Our Safe Place
One of the most important learning spaces in our home is the Safe Place, which we learned about from Conscious Discipline, founded by Dr. Becky Bailey. This is a place for our children to go when they are feeling upset to process their feelings, calm, and problem solve. We have been using the Safe Place for six years now; our oldest is twelve and still sometimes goes to the Safe Place. The children chose two locations for our Safe Places: one in the living room behind a chair and one in the dining room.
The children work through the five phases when they are there: I am, I calm, I feel, I choose, and I solve. When they were younger, we spent most of the time one of our children was in the Safe Place with them. Now, less.
Example Use with Younger Child
My child is writing in a book she's making but she is frustrated with the way her handwriting looks. She shouts and throws her pencil.
I take a few deep breaths to be calm before I talk to her. Throwing things makes me upset, but I remember that she cannot calm if I'm upset.
Me: You're upset. Let's go to the safe place.
She flops on the floor near the safe place. This is the "I am" step.
I begin taking deep breaths near her body. If I tell her to breathe, I know she will say no and tell me she doesn't want to breathe, that she hates breathing. Eventually, I can tell she's is breathing more deeply and getting calmer. I put my hand on her back and continue breathing. This is the "I calm" step. I usually can tell she's ready for the next step when she climbs onto me.
Me: Let's look at our feeling buddies and decide how you were feeling. Were you mad? Were you frustrated?
She pulls frustrated out of the buddies. We open the Feeling Buddies book and guide Frustrated through more breathing. We didn't have Feeling Buddies for the first few years we used a Safe Place, and I'm so glad we eventually did get them. You can also print a set of feeling faces to use to help children identify their feelings. This is the "I feel" step.
Me: You were frustrated. You were writing and you got frustrated. Feeling frustrated is so hard. You can handle this. Let's breathe some more together.
After breathing, she chooses something from our I Choose board, like drawing or doing an I Love You Ritual. This is the "I choose"
step.
When she's ready, usually when she stands up and gets me, it's time to solve.
Me: When you are frustrated, it's okay to go to the safe place. It's not okay to throw the pencil. Let's go get your pencil and pretend you're frustrated again, and instead of throwing the pencil, let's go straight to the safe place.
After we practice this, we work on what she needs to reduce her frustration, and she chooses to use a pencil grip.
What's in our Safe Place
In our Safe Place, we have the Five Steps and a homemade I Choose board, Feeling Buddies, a book of pictures of our children with their families, Generation Mindful Peacemaker Cards, fidgets, a finger labyrinth, and lotion (cranky cream).
You can learn more about the Safe Place at www.consciousdiscipline.com
The children work through the five phases when they are there: I am, I calm, I feel, I choose, and I solve. When they were younger, we spent most of the time one of our children was in the Safe Place with them. Now, less.
Example Use with Younger Child
My child is writing in a book she's making but she is frustrated with the way her handwriting looks. She shouts and throws her pencil.
I take a few deep breaths to be calm before I talk to her. Throwing things makes me upset, but I remember that she cannot calm if I'm upset.
Me: You're upset. Let's go to the safe place.
She flops on the floor near the safe place. This is the "I am" step.
I begin taking deep breaths near her body. If I tell her to breathe, I know she will say no and tell me she doesn't want to breathe, that she hates breathing. Eventually, I can tell she's is breathing more deeply and getting calmer. I put my hand on her back and continue breathing. This is the "I calm" step. I usually can tell she's ready for the next step when she climbs onto me.
Me: Let's look at our feeling buddies and decide how you were feeling. Were you mad? Were you frustrated?
She pulls frustrated out of the buddies. We open the Feeling Buddies book and guide Frustrated through more breathing. We didn't have Feeling Buddies for the first few years we used a Safe Place, and I'm so glad we eventually did get them. You can also print a set of feeling faces to use to help children identify their feelings. This is the "I feel" step.
Me: You were frustrated. You were writing and you got frustrated. Feeling frustrated is so hard. You can handle this. Let's breathe some more together.
After breathing, she chooses something from our I Choose board, like drawing or doing an I Love You Ritual. This is the "I choose"
step.
When she's ready, usually when she stands up and gets me, it's time to solve.
Me: When you are frustrated, it's okay to go to the safe place. It's not okay to throw the pencil. Let's go get your pencil and pretend you're frustrated again, and instead of throwing the pencil, let's go straight to the safe place.
After we practice this, we work on what she needs to reduce her frustration, and she chooses to use a pencil grip.
What's in our Safe Place
In our Safe Place, we have the Five Steps and a homemade I Choose board, Feeling Buddies, a book of pictures of our children with their families, Generation Mindful Peacemaker Cards, fidgets, a finger labyrinth, and lotion (cranky cream).
You can learn more about the Safe Place at www.consciousdiscipline.com
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